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2017 Pick'em rankings after 4 weeks: 

  1. id3ma
  2. Nick H
  3. Laura H
   id3ma won week four's contest.

 

 

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(3 votes)
Written by Mr Marbles   
Sunday, 03 September 2017

Oklahoma

Saturday, September 9, 2017
7:30 pm EST
Ohio Stadium, Columbus, OH

 

    

Pregame Goal: Get the ponies drunk.


COTGS Index*: 76

*Chances of Things Getting Stupid Index is determined using a highly complicated scientific formula that produces indexed results ranging from 0-100, computed using an array of complex variables and a multitude of over-sized computers located in the basement of Kropkogate

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Ohio State, for its fourth consecutive game, gets the ESPN Gameday treatment, but don't let that stop you from generating ESPN-SEC conspiracy theories.

Oklahoma Coach Big Game Bob Stoops retired abruptly during the offseason, which is unfortunate because I found a lot of enjoyment in shouting "BIG GAME BOB!" every time Big Game Bob lost a big game. Nevertheless, Oklahoma will walk into Ohio Stadium ranked in the Top 10 and Kropkogate will be operating in Big Game Mode to start the home schedule. Fortunately, the tailgate got a warmup in Bloomington last Thursday and should be looking like a well-oiled over-served drunk machine for the prime-time matchup.  With prime-time games come long hours of tailgating, which is why we are excited to announce a new addition to the tailgate this Saturday: The Kropko-Jon!

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Don't worry, we're optimistic the thin layer of plastic will protect everyone from contracting typhoid. 

For the first time, ever, Kropkogate will enjoy the luxury of its own on-site hand-crafted portable shitter. Set to be delivered Friday night, tailgate regulars are eager to christen the Kropko-Jon with human waste that will then mellow within the plastic receptacle which will be baking in the hot sun just steps away from the tailgate. It's a benchmark event in Kropkogate waste management history and, by most measurements, it will be an improvement over the make-shift piss tent that was temporarily erected for a tailgate a few years back. The Kropko-Jon offers limitless opportunities for sword fights, sexual relations, and dropping poo. Note: I now have an email from Kropko stating relations in the waste receptacle are forbidden (which makes it even more exciting). Pricing will be enforced as follows:

$2 per use
$5 unlimited day pass
$10 plus cone chug for #2

It is with much regret that I must announce I will not be in attendance for this exciting event as another one of Mrs. Marbles' college friends is making the poor choice to get married on gameday. Evidently this couple did not read my 2013 Purdue preview and don't realize someone at their reception will most definitely drop over dead when the gods retaliate against their decision to have a reception during an Ohio State prime-time football game.

 

Equus Ferus Caballus, Ranked:

Boomer and Sooner will be pulling the Oklahoma Conestoga wagon into Columbus this weekend, bringing with it dysentery, cholera, and an excuse to rank some equine: 

  1. Little Sebastian
  2. Mr. Ed
  3. Little Sorrel
  4. Rainbow Dash
  5. Incitatu

The lying liberal media would fill these rankings with bullshit horseys like Seabiscut and Secretariat. Secretariat won a lot of horse races, but what else did he accomplish? Did he talk? Go to war? Dine with Caligula? Maintain the weather and clear the skies of Ponyville? I'm sick and tired of the ESPN horsey hype machine building up these over-rated circle runners. There are certainly many more horseys and ponies of greater worth.

 

Kropkogate Dish of the Week

You likely guessed it: Pony Chili! Go ahead and fill up, there's a toilet on site.

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This thing is all chopped up and simmering in a pot of chili

 

ESPN Pick'em Update

Don't forget to make your Kropkogate ESPN Pick'em selections . Week One results:

  1. Laura H
  2. Edward Kropko
  3. id3ma

 

B1G Expert Pick'em

Each week, Kropkogate's team of expert prognosticators gamble their life savings away while attempting to predict the outcomes of all Big Ten contests. Kropko, Marbles, and Winkles tied for week one, while T-Bone and Pizza Hall retreated to the Kropkogate basement. The Kropkogate basement is dark, moldy, and filled with rats. It's also where we store the hotdogs that we'll be serving at the tailgate this week.

This week's game of intrigue is Florida Atlantic at Wisconsin. The game will likely be a blowout, but Lane Kiffin dealing with the fans at Camp Randall fascinates my imagination.

`
 

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Kropko

Mr. Marbles

Pizza Hall

 Mr. Winkles 

 T-Bone

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