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BREAKING NEWS!!!!! FITZ ACCEPTS MY BID FOR FRIENDSHIP! MR MARBLES & PAT FITZGERALD = BFFs 4EVER
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! After months of waiting, several requests, and a few heart-felt letters directed to him, Pat Fitzgerald has finally accepted my friendship request on Facebook. It's surely the beginning of something special. Little does he know I'm planning a surprise birthday party for him next Wednesday. He's gonna shit himself when he comes home, opens the door, and I jump out and shout "Surprise Birthday Buddy!" I better get busy baking his cake.
Is it too soon to ask if I can donate the sperm for the creation of his next child?
Speaking of coaches....
The Pussification of America and Mark Mangino's Quest to Stop It
Mark Mangino. God of Heckling.
Kropkogate.com officially supports Mark Mangino...figuratively speaking. In a literal sense it would be unlikely that we'd be able to physically support him without being crushed to death. However, it is a sad day when a coach can lose his job for hurting a few of his player's feelings by yelling at them when they screw up. Just another step toward the complete pussification of America where everyone gets a mother f****** trophy for participating. It's refreshing to see a coach demand discipline from his players, rather than celebrating thuggery like vagina-faced Mark Dantonio (perhaps your players are gooning innocent kids in dorms this season because you acted as though it was no big deal last season when they did the same thing). Rise up Mangino. Stay strong. Call a spade a spade and a thug a thug.
"He told me he'd send me back to Oakland where I could be drinking out
of a brown paper bag. He told me, 'You were a s----
friend to someone I knew that passed away.' He called me a bum. He
showed me no respect. He told me he'd send me back to the ghetto." --Joe Mortenson
Hey, Joe! Perhaps that may have something to do with the fact that you were cited for Public Intoxication. Quit your bitching and thank Mangino for pulling your ass out of the ghetto and offering you a free education.
"He'd say personal, hurtful, embarrassing things in front of people." --Raymond Brown
Raymond, I think YOU are the one embarrassing yourself.
"I dropped a pass and [Mangino] was mad. And I said,
'Yes, sir. Yes, sir.' The yelling didn't bother me. But then he said,
'Shut up!' He said, 'If you don't shut up, I'm going to send you back
to St. Louis so you can get shot with your homies." -Raymond Brown
Yo Ray! You telling me you never heard worse things in your hood? Hell, I get worse threats from your homies when I walk over to the Super Mercado Grocery.
"One day, [Mangino] said in front of the entire team, 'Are you going to
be a lawyer or do you want to become an alcoholic like your dad?' --Brown, referring to an incident with a teammate
So did he choose lawyer or alcoholic?
"(Tory Bradley) fell asleep in a meeting and woke up on the floor. His
teammates told him Mangino pushed him out of his chair. While he was
down and attempting to get up, he says, Mangino "kicked me three or
four times in my butt. When I got up he started shaking me real hard."
Dear Mr. Bradley. Find me a coach in America that wouldn't kick your ass for falling asleep in a team meeting before a bowl game. I would have kicked you in the nut-sack.
I'd like to present to Mr. Mangino the Honorary Key to Kropkgate. This distinguished honor is only extended to deserving individuals who have never been to Kropkogate, but due to noble acts of achievement, are invited to the tailgate where they would be celebrated as a honored guest. Mangino's manliness and sure-fire ability to heckle earns him this distinguished honor--not to mention the fact that the guy could probably pound several cases of beer before sunrise. We could sit him along Woody Hayes Drive and watch him let loose at Stoleygate and rival fans walking by. "Hey Stoleygate, your tailgate is about as exciting as f****** your paraplegic daughter." He is the first individual to receive this honor.
"It’s going to be a long time before Sergeant Baker calls anyone a "homo" again." --James Alan Spangler
It Aint Over People
Don't forget to make your ESPN Kropkogate Pick'em selections this week.
Future Appearances
Chicago - Mr. Marbles has announced his preliminary Tour of Madness
schedule for the next three years. Several tour spots remain to be
determined as he awaits the following:
Alumni Tickets fate
Northwestern open dates yet to be filled
Interest in others for road trips
2010 Tour of Madness
- 09/04: To Be Determined
- 09/11: Evasnton, Illinois State at Northwestern
- 09/18: To Be Determined
- 09/25: To Be Determined
- 10/02: Champaign, Ohio State at IIllinois
- 10/09: Evanston, Purdue at Northwestern
- 10/16: To Be Determined
- 10/23: Evanston, Michigan State at Northwestern
- 10/30: Minneapolis, Ohio State at Minnesota
- 11/06: Open
- 11/13: Evanston, Iowa at Northwestern
- 11/20: Evanston, IIllinois at Northwestern
- 11/27: Columbus, Michigan at Ohio State
2011 Tour of Madness
- 09/03: To Be Determined
- 09/10: Evanston, Eastern Illinois at Northwestern
- 09/17: Miami, Ohio State at Miami
- 09/24: To Be Determined
- 10/01: Evanston, Indiana at Northwestern
- 10/08: Open
- 10/15: To Be Determined
- 10/22: Evanston, Penn State at Northwestern
- 10/29: Evanston, Wisconsin at Northwestern
- 11/05: Columbus, Northwestern at Ohio State
- 11/12: West Lafayette: Ohio State at Purdue
- 11/19: Evanston, Michigan at Northwestern
- 11/26: Evanston, Rice at Northwestern
2012 Tour of Madness
- 09/01: To Be Determined
- 09/08: Evanston, Vanderbilt at Northwestern
- 09/15: Evanston, Boston College at Northwestern
- 09/22: To Be Determined
- 09/29: East Lansing, Ohio State at Michigan State
- 10/06: Evanston, Purdue at Northwestern
- 10/13: Evanston, IIllinois at Northwestern
- 10/20: To Be Determined
- 10/27: To Be Determined
- 11/03: Evanston, Ohio State at Northwestern
- 11/10: Evanston, Minnesota at Northwestern
- 11/17: Iowa City, Ohio State at Iowa
- 11/24: Columbus,Michigan at Ohio State
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