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2017 Pick'em Ranking thru 13 weeks: 

  1. Kropko
  2. CardaleJonesDiary
  3. boomperOSU
 Asian Reporter Robert Lee won the week 13 contest.

 

 

 

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Oklahoma PDF Print E-mail
(3 votes)
Written by Mr Marbles   
Sunday, 03 September 2017

Oklahoma

Saturday, September 9, 2017
7:30 pm EST
Ohio Stadium, Columbus, OH

 

    

Pregame Goal: Get the ponies drunk.


COTGS Index*: 76

*Chances of Things Getting Stupid Index is determined using a highly complicated scientific formula that produces indexed results ranging from 0-100, computed using an array of complex variables and a multitude of over-sized computers located in the basement of Kropkogate

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Ohio State, for its fourth consecutive game, gets the ESPN Gameday treatment, but don't let that stop you from generating ESPN-SEC conspiracy theories.

Oklahoma Coach Big Game Bob Stoops retired abruptly during the offseason, which is unfortunate because I found a lot of enjoyment in shouting "BIG GAME BOB!" every time Big Game Bob lost a big game. Nevertheless, Oklahoma will walk into Ohio Stadium ranked in the Top 10 and Kropkogate will be operating in Big Game Mode to start the home schedule. Fortunately, the tailgate got a warmup in Bloomington last Thursday and should be looking like a well-oiled over-served drunk machine for the prime-time matchup.  With prime-time games come long hours of tailgating, which is why we are excited to announce a new addition to the tailgate this Saturday: The Kropko-Jon!

portjon.jpg

Don't worry, we're optimistic the thin layer of plastic will protect everyone from contracting typhoid. 

For the first time, ever, Kropkogate will enjoy the luxury of its own on-site hand-crafted portable shitter. Set to be delivered Friday night, tailgate regulars are eager to christen the Kropko-Jon with human waste that will then mellow within the plastic receptacle which will be baking in the hot sun just steps away from the tailgate. It's a benchmark event in Kropkogate waste management history and, by most measurements, it will be an improvement over the make-shift piss tent that was temporarily erected for a tailgate a few years back. The Kropko-Jon offers limitless opportunities for sword fights, sexual relations, and dropping poo. Note: I now have an email from Kropko stating relations in the waste receptacle are forbidden (which makes it even more exciting). Pricing will be enforced as follows:

$2 per use
$5 unlimited day pass
$10 plus cone chug for #2

It is with much regret that I must announce I will not be in attendance for this exciting event as another one of Mrs. Marbles' college friends is making the poor choice to get married on gameday. Evidently this couple did not read my 2013 Purdue preview and don't realize someone at their reception will most definitely drop over dead when the gods retaliate against their decision to have a reception during an Ohio State prime-time football game.

 

Equus Ferus Caballus, Ranked:

Boomer and Sooner will be pulling the Oklahoma Conestoga wagon into Columbus this weekend, bringing with it dysentery, cholera, and an excuse to rank some equine: 

  1. Little Sebastian
  2. Mr. Ed
  3. Little Sorrel
  4. Rainbow Dash
  5. Incitatu

The lying liberal media would fill these rankings with bullshit horseys like Seabiscut and Secretariat. Secretariat won a lot of horse races, but what else did he accomplish? Did he talk? Go to war? Dine with Caligula? Maintain the weather and clear the skies of Ponyville? I'm sick and tired of the ESPN horsey hype machine building up these over-rated circle runners. There are certainly many more horseys and ponies of greater worth.

 

Kropkogate Dish of the Week

You likely guessed it: Pony Chili! Go ahead and fill up, there's a toilet on site.

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This thing is all chopped up and simmering in a pot of chili

 

ESPN Pick'em Update

Don't forget to make your Kropkogate ESPN Pick'em selections . Week One results:

  1. Laura H
  2. Edward Kropko
  3. id3ma

 

B1G Expert Pick'em

Each week, Kropkogate's team of expert prognosticators gamble their life savings away while attempting to predict the outcomes of all Big Ten contests. Kropko, Marbles, and Winkles tied for week one, while T-Bone and Pizza Hall retreated to the Kropkogate basement. The Kropkogate basement is dark, moldy, and filled with rats. It's also where we store the hotdogs that we'll be serving at the tailgate this week.

This week's game of intrigue is Florida Atlantic at Wisconsin. The game will likely be a blowout, but Lane Kiffin dealing with the fans at Camp Randall fascinates my imagination.

`
 

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Kropko

Mr. Marbles

Pizza Hall

 Mr. Winkles 

 T-Bone

Oklahoma at Ohio State
 Ohio State  Ohio State  Ohio State  Ohio State  Ohio State
Ohio at Purdue  Purdue  Purdue  Ohio  Purdue  Purdue
Northwestern at Duke
 Northwestern  Northwestern  Northwestern   Duke  Northwestern
Towson at Maryland  Maryland  Maryland  Maryland   Maryland  Maryland
Cincinnati at Michigan
 Michigan  Michigan  Michigan   Michigan  Michigan
Iowa at Iowa State  Iowa  Iowa  Iowa  Iowa  Iowa
Florida Atlantic at Wisconsin
 Wisconsin  Wisconsin  Wisconsin   Wisconsin  Wisconsin
Western Michigan at Michigan State
Michigan State  Michigan State  Western Michigan   Michigan State  Michigan State
Pitt at Penn State  Penn State  Penn State
 Penn State  Penn State  Penn State
Eastern Michigan at Rutger  Rutger  Rutger  Rutger   Rutger  Eastern Michigan
Indiana at Virginia
 Indiana  Virginia  Indiana   Indiana  Virginia
Nebraska at Oregon  Oregon  Oregon  Nebraska   Oregon  Oregon
Western KY at Illinois
 Western Kentucky  Western Kentucky
 Western Kentucky   Western Kentucky  Western Kentucky
Minnesota at Oregon State
 Minnesota  Minnesota  Minnesota   Minnesota  Minnesota
 Last Week
          10-4          9-5        8-6         11-3
        10-4
Season Record          22-5          21-6        19-8        23-4          21-6
 
Indiana & 2017 Season Preview PDF Print E-mail
(6 votes)
Written by Mr Marbles   
Monday, 07 August 2017

Indiana

Thursday, August 31, 2017
8:00 pm EST
Memorial Stadium, Bloomington, IN

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America's most beloved architects include Frank Lloyd Wright, Louis Sullivan, and whoever designed this thing at the Ohio-Indiana state line

COTGS Index*:81

*Chances of Things Getting Stupid Index is determined using a highly complicated scientific formula that produces indexed results ranging from 0-100, computed using an array of complex variables and a multitude of over-sized computers located in the basement of Kropkogate

This tailgate preview is dedicated to the memory of Tom Raper. The signs near Richmond may now read "Camper's World," but those RVs will always and forever be Raper RVs in our hearts. #Exit149A

Ohio State opens the season in unusual fashion, with a Thursday night divisional matchup against Indiana. A meaningful game with a special weeknight on-site visit from ESPN's College Gameday will certainly ruffle some feathers of Big Ten traditionalists.  It makes one yearn for the good old days of titillating openers in Columbus featuring intra-state rival Youngstown State with Beth Mowins on the play-by-play. Does tradition not matter anymore? 

I'm not sure how a weekday edition of GameDay will work, but I'm as sure as God made little green apples that John Mellencamp will be the special guest, the story of Lee Corso stopping a game in the first quarter to get a team photo under the scoreboard with his Indiana team up 7-6 over Ohio State will be told, and, somehow, basketball will work its way into the conversation.

Kropkogate will be in Bloomington operating in full capacity. Your grandchildren will read about this tailgate in their history books. This marks our first ever weeknight tailgate on a visiting campus. With that in mind, it will be in your best interest to attend; your grandchildren will one day have all kinds of questions about the event, such as, "What the f*** is a Hoosier?" and "Grandpa, did you ever find your penis?"

This will also be Indiana's day for the biennial Memorial Stadium aerial photo shoot, as the chance to capture the stadium at capacity and full of red only comes along once every two years. Make sure you wear something nice and comb your hair before entering the stadium; we want our Kropkogate representatives looking dapper for the occasion.

memorial.jpg

Indiana's Board of Regents approved the recently completed end-zone expansion and another to be built in the opposite side after an aerial shot of a game against Ohio State game was provided in a Power Point presentation. Since no one on the board had ever attended an Indiana football game, they approved the expansion, under the assumption it wasn't a desolate empty pile of concrete with poor sight-lines on all other home dates.

Doubleheader

Mr. Marbles will attend the historic Thursday tailgate in Bloomington, then doubles down in the history books when he heads back up to Evanston for a tailgate on Saturday--his first ever two tailgates in one weekend college football experience. And what better venues to accomplish this feat than the venerable college football cathedrals of Ryan Field and Memorial Stadium?

 

Mr Marbles 2017 Tour of Madness

Reminder for our non-regular readers:  Mr. Marbles is not Kropko. Kropko is Chief Operating Officer of tailgate operations, I (Mr Marbles) am Minister of Kropkogate Propaganda and Public Enlightenment. I type words into this web application. I promise you we are two separate human beings. This is not his schedule.


  • 08/31 - Bloomington, Indiana:  Ohio State at Indiana
  • 09/02 - Evanston, Illinois:  Nevada at Northwestern
  • 09/16:  Evanston, Illinois: Bowling Green at Northwestern (game only, no tailgate)
  • 09/23 - Columbus, Ohio:  UNLV at Ohio State 
  • 10/07 - Evanston, Illinois:  Penn State at Northwestern
  • 10/14 - Lincoln, Nebraska:  Ohio State at Nebraska
  • 10/21 - Evanston, Illinois:  Iowa at Northwestern
  • 10/28 - Evanston, Illinois:  Michigan State at Northwestern
  • 11/04 - Iowa City, Iowa:  Ohio State at Iowa
  • 11/11 - Evanston, Illinois:  Purdue at Northwestern
  • 11/18 - Evanston, Illinois:  Minnesota at Northwestern
  • 12/02 - Indianapolis, Indiana:  Big Ten Championship Game (if OSU plays)

Yeah, yeah, that gap in September. I blame Mrs. Marbles, who attended a non-football-focused institution of higher learning. This resulted in her collecting a network of friends that make poor choices, such as scheduling weddings on football Saturdays. Highlights on tap for this year's tour include trips to Bloomington, Iowa City, Lincoln, and--if we pray hard and the Good Lord is willing--Indianapolis for the Big Ten Championship Game.

 

ESPN Pick'em Update

It's that time again to register for the Kropkogate ESPN Pick'em contest . Weekly winners win fabulous prizes that I may or may not ever deliver and get a shout-out on this widely read web site.  The real glory comes from winning the season-long cumulative battle.  To be a champion requires careful study and analysis of all FBS programs and/or the capacity to remember to log-in and make your selections each week.  Final rankings for the 2016 season:

  1. Cardale Jones Diary
  2. Kropko
  3. Mr. Marbles

 

Mr Marbles' Pre-Season Big Ten Predictions

Like all college football fans with access to the world wide web, I publish pre-season predictions.  I just do it with less arrogance than Phil Steele, who pleasures himself while flipping through his own print-edition until the all the pages stick together.

East

  1. Ohio State
  2. Penn State
  3. Michigan
  4. Maryland
  5. Michigan State 
  6. Indiana
  7. Rutger

 It won't be easy for Michigan, but I trust Harbaugh will find a way to bring them back to third place divisional glory.  Rutger will still be buried in the basement unworthy of earning their "s"

 

West

  1. Wisconsin
  2. Northwestern
  3. Nebraska
  4. Iowa 
  5. Minnesota 
  6. Illinois
  7. Purdue 

As usual, you could re-arrange the top 5 of the west in any order and I wouldn't argue. Minnesota will start out 7-0 with snake oil salesman PJ Fleck and row-the-boat-mania taking over the college football world.  Also, they will finish the regular season at 7-5 and get beat by Western Michigan in a bowl game.

B1G Champion: Whoever wins the west with a 6-3 conference record, because the college football gods are cruel and spiteful.

 

B1G Expert Pick'em

Each week, Kropkogate's team of expert prognosticators gamble their life savings away while attempting to predict the outcomes of all Big Ten contests. Mr. Winkles is our esteemed defending champion, but the rest of the gang is hungry for Skyline chili and redemption.  So, tie on your bib and make sure you have plenty of toilet paper in the room where you poop, cause this could get nasty. 

This week's Mr. Marbles' Matchup of Intrigue is Ball State at Illinois.  No way, no how Illinois could lose this game, but they probably will. 

`
 

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Kropko

Mr. Marbles

Pizza Hall

 Mr. Winkles 

 T-Bone

Ohio State at Indiana
 Ohio State  Ohio State
 Ohio State
 Ohio State
 Ohio State
Buffalo at Minnesota
 Minnesota  Minnesota  Minnesota  Minnesota  Minnesota 
Utah State at Wisconsin
 Wisconsin  Wisconsin  Wisconsin  Wisconsin
 Wisconsin 
Washington at Rutger  Washington  Washington  Washington  Washington  Washington 
Michigan vs Florida (ArlingtoN, TX)  Michigan  Michigan  Michigan  Michigan  Michigan 
Maryland at Texas
 Texas  Texas  Texas  Texas  Texas
Louisville vs Purdue (Indianapolis, IN)
 Louisville  Louisville  Louisville  Louisville  Louisville 
Wyoming at Iowa
 Iowa  Iowa  Wyoming  Iowa  Iowa
Nevada at Northwestern
 Northwestern  Northwestern  Northwestern  Northwestern  Northwestern 
Arkansas State at Nebraska
 Nebraska  Nebraska  Nebraska  Nebraska  Nebraska 
           
Bowling Green at Michigan State
 Michigan State  Michigan State
 Michigan State
 Michigan State
 Michigan State 
Ball State at Illinois
 Illinois  Illinois  Illinois  Illinois  Ball State
Akron at Penn State
 Penn State  Penn State
 Penn State
 Penn State  Penn State 
 Results           12-1          12-1
       11-2         12-1
         11-2
Last Season           83-33          81-35        85-31         88-28          86-30
 
WHY WE HATE MICHIGAN STATE FANS, A NARRATIVE PDF Print E-mail
(1 vote)
Written by Wright Thompson   
Tuesday, 04 April 2017

BECAUSE THEY ACT LIKE F***CKING TURDS

 

 

 
Bowl PDF Print E-mail
(0 votes)
Written by Mr Marbles   
Friday, 16 December 2016
ESPN Pick'em Update

Final rankings for the 2016 season:

  1. Cardale Jones Diary
  2. Kropko
  3. Mr. Marbles

 

B1G Expert Pick'em

Each week, Kropkogate's team of expert prognosticators gamble their life savings away while attempting to predict the outcomes of all Big Ten game.  

UPDATE:  MR WINKLES IS CHAMPION!

`
 

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Kropko

Mr. Marbles

Pizza Hall

 Mr. Winkles 

 T-Bone

QUICK LANE BOWL:

Maryland vs Boston College

 Maryland  Maryland  BC  Maryland   Maryland 

HOLIDAY BOWL:

Minnesota vs Washington State

 Washtington State   Washtington State   Washtington State   Washtington State  Washtington State

PINSTRIPE BOWL:

Pittsburgh vs Northwestern

 Pitt  Pitt  Northwestern   Northwestern  Northwestern  

FOSTER FARMS BOWL:

Indiana vs Utah

 Utah  Utah  Utah   Utah  Utah

MUSIC CITY BOWL:

Nebraska vs Tennessee

 Nebraska  Tennessee   Tennessee   Tennessee   Tennessee 

ORANGE BOWL

Michigan vs Florida State

 Michigan  Michigan   Michigan   Michigan   Michigan 

CFB PLAYOFF - FIESTA BOWL:  

Ohio State vs Clemson

 Ohio State  Ohio State  Clemson  Ohio State  Ohio State  

OUTBACK BOWL:

Iowa vs Florida

 Florida  Iowa  Florida   Iowa  Iowa 

COTTON BOWL:

Western Michigan vs Wisconsin

 Wisconsin  Wisconsin  Wisconsin   Wisconsin   Wisconsin 

ROSE BOWL:

USC vs Penn State

 USC  Penn State  USC  USC  USC
           
           
           
           
Bowl Week          4-6
         3-7         8-2          5-5           5-5
Season           83-33          81-35        85-31         88-28          86-30
 
Week 14 Update PDF Print E-mail
(0 votes)
Written by Mr Marbles   
Sunday, 27 November 2016
ESPN Pick'em Update

We're down to the final Saturday of the Pick'em.  Rankings for the 2016 season:

  1. Cardale Jones Diary
  2. Kropko
  3. Mr. Marbles
Laura Hall won Week 13.  Don't forget to make your selections this week.

 

B1G Expert Pick'em

Each week, Kropkogate's team of expert prognosticators gamble their life savings away while attempting to predict the outcomes of all Big Ten game.  Only one game to select this week, but the chaos of bowl picks loom in the near future.

`
 

 krop2.jpg

marbles.jpg

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Kropko

Mr. Marbles

Pizza Hall

 Mr. Winkles 

 T-Bone

Wisconsin vs Penn State
 Wisconsin  Penn State  Wisconsin   Wisconsin  Wisconsin
           
           
           
           
           
           
           
           
           
           
           
           
           
This Week          0-1
         1-0         0-1          0-1           0-1
Season           79-27          78-28        77-29         83-23          81-25
 
The Game PDF Print E-mail
(4 votes)
Written by Mr Marbles   
Friday, 25 November 2016

Michigan at Ohio State

Saturday, November 26, 2016
12:00 pm EST
Ohio Stadium 

 michigan2015.jpg

Vintage Kropkogate program cover, date unknown

 

It's Michigan!   Michigan, damn it!  Kropkogate.com is here to provide everything you need to know about the big game and wall-to-wall coverage throughout the day. We're ranked #3 among Kropkogate attendees in Kropkogate coverage and we're climbing toward that number 2 spot.   Let's get into the nitty-gritty:

ERECTION - The tailgate will be erected Friday afternoon at 3 pm.  A motorcade will transport Mr. Winkles, dignitary from the Deep South, from John Glenn International Airport to the ag-campus to commence opening ceremonies.  Expect road closures throughout Columbus during this time.

PERFORMANCE -  Dead Schembechlers will be playing at Ace of Cups Friday night.  Kropkogate representatives will be present and delighted to showcase their Chad Henne dance.

CAMP - Kropkogaters are welcome to camp over night at the tailgate.  Planned activities include movies, drinking, and I believe there are rumors of a good old fashion circle jerk.  Perhaps that's just a false-rumor, but I wouldn't take the chance of missing out.

STOLEYGATE -  Still sucks.

7 AM FLIP CUP - Just like it sounds

FIREBALL - Lots of it.

THUNDERSTRUCK - Drink

CHAD HENNE SONG - On repeat.

SEXUAL RELATIONS IN THE AG BUILDING - We'll have wall-to-wall live coverage as it happens

GAME - Watch it at the tailgate.

CELEBRATION - Ceremonial post-game bush dive will be in order after the win

DEBAUCHERY - Oh the alcohol will flow.

hecklers.jpg

 marching.jpg

 

Kropkogaters protest in front of Michigan Stadium before The Game, 2003.

 

COTGS Index*: 92

Oh, look at that index climb.  The Michigan game oozes with stupidity every year.   The only question is how early will things officially cross into stupid mode.  Kearns set the bar high way back in 2004 with a drunk and disorderly conduct citation around 8 am after crouching in a three-point stance in the middle of Norwich Avenue in an attempt to tackle oncoming traffic.  Will we see an ambitious Kropkogater rise to the occasion and set the bar higher on Saturday?  Will there be a bean chug?  Will the magical gin bucket make an appearance?  Bring your whole family down to the tailgate by the Olentangy, get so drunk that you lose control of your bowel movements and make chocolate pudding in your undergarments, and find out the answers to these questions and much much more.

*Chances of Things Getting Stupid Index is determined using a highly complicated scientific formula that produces indexed results ranging from 0-100, computed using an array of complex variables and a multitude of over-sized computers located in the basement of Kropkogate.  

 

For real-time updates, follow me on the Twitter - @Mr_Marblesnd

I tweet everything you need to know and a whole lot more of everything you don't.

 

Protect America, Protest the Election

Aside from our presidential endorsements every four years, we here at Kropkogate.com usually don't dabble in online political opinion.  However, it would be a disservice to our readers and down-right un-American to stay silent when the president of our country threatens humanity.  When the presidential selection process fails us and ignores the will of the majority who voted, it is our duty as reputable members of the media to demand change.  That is why we are calling upon all Americans to join us in the protest of the most uneducated person to ever be deemed Commander in Chief, that son-of-a-bitch Michigan grad Gerald Ford.

ford.jpg

#NotMyPresident

The 38th President of the United States, snake oil salesman Gerald Ford failed to garner the support of the popular vote on his way to the White House.  In fact, he garnered no votes.  Wasn't even on the ballot.  As the only person to have held the title of Vice President and President of the United States without having been elected to either office, he weaseled his way into power and held America hostage with his evil Wolverine initiatives. It is no coincidence that Charlie Bauman enrolled at Clemson during the Ford's reign of terror, which was part of the president's long-term conspiracy to rid Ohio State of venerable coach Woody Hayes.   

 

ESPN Pick'em Update

We have a new leader!  Kropko's campaign to retain his championship belt is in jeopardy, but he still has 2 weeks to reclaim the lead.  Rankings for the 2016 season:

  1. Cardale Jones Diary
  2. Kropko
  3. Mr. Marbles
Jrwulf won week twelve.  Don't forget to make your selections this week.

 

B1G Expert Pick'em

Each week, Kropkogate's team of expert prognosticators gamble their life savings away while attempting to predict the outcomes of all Big Ten games. Go Sparty!

`
 

 krop2.jpg

marbles.jpg

pizza.jpg

rusw.jpg

tbone.jpg

 

Kropko

Mr. Marbles

Pizza Hall

 Mr. Winkles 

 T-Bone

Michigan at Ohio State  Ohio State  Ohio State  Michigan  Ohio State
 Ohio State
 Nebraska at Iowa
 Nebraska  Nebraska  Nebraska  Nebraska  Nebraska
 Purdue at Indiana
 Indiana  Indiana  Indiana  Indiana  Indiana
 Illinois at Northwestern
 Northwestern  Northwestern  Northwestern  Northwestern  Northwestern
 Rutger at Maryland
 Maryland  Maryland  Maryland  Maryland  Maryland
 Michigan State at Penn State
 Michigan State  Michigan State
 Michigan State
 Penn State
 Michigan State
 Minnesota at Wisconsin  Wisconsin  Wisconsin  Wisconsin  Wisconsin  Wisconsin
           
           
           
           
           
           
           
This Week        5-2          5-2         4-3         6-1           5-2
Season           79-26          77-28        77-28         83-22          81-24
 
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