The first week of Big Ten football starts with several ho-hum non-conference games with just a couple of intiguing matchups that should be exciting to watch. Unlike any other week in Kropkogate's history, Ohio State plays on Thursday night, leaving the entire day of Saturday to watch the games without a three and a half hour Buckeye main attraction interruption.

Lets get to the predictions:

1.) Marshall at Ohio State (Thursday, 7:30pm) - "We Are Marshall! We are Marshall! We are......going to get spanked in a bad way." The only good thing for the Thundering Herd - the game is on the Big Ten Network, so their beatdown won't be nationally exposed. Prediction: OSU - 52, Marshall - 3

2.) Towson at Indiana (Thursday, 7:30pm) - Another game that will be regionally aired on the Big Ten Network on Thurdsay night. Honestly, it wouldn't matter if I lived in Bloomington and was an Indiana fan, I would still rather watch Ohio State than the perrenially hapless Hoosiers. However, they usually pick up a win or two over Division 1-AA opponents every year. Prediction: Indiana - 27, Towson - 16

3.) Minnesota at Middle Tennessee State (Thursday, 7:30pm) - Another non-Saturday game to showcase to the nation that the Gophers won't be able to climb to higher prestige in the Big Ten. Prediction: MTS - 38, Minnesota - 10

4.)Western Michigan at Michigan State (Saturday, noon) - Michigan State will take care of business in their non-conference, stumble in about their third game of the Big Ten schedule, and then give up on their season. Same story every year (it's been written about extensively by Mr. Marbles). It's like a broken record. Prediction: MSU - 42, Western Michigan - 12

5.)Youngstown State at Penn State (Saturday, noon) - Perhaps not the best choice of teams to schedule to tune up for the #1 team in the country. Just ask Ohio State fans. Easy win for JoePa. Prediction: PSU - 58, YSU - 6

6.) Eastern Illinois at Iowa (Saturday, noon) - Wasn't it Eastern Illinois that gave Iowa a big scare last year? Wait, no - it was Northern Iowa. Shouldn't be the anywhere close to that this year though. Prediction: Iowa - 36, Eastern Illinois - 14

7.) Illinois at Missouri (Saturday, 12:30pm) - Is this game becoming a yearly thing? Too bad for Illinois if it is. I don't think they've beaten the Tigers since they started playing regularly a few years back. They won't this year either. Prediction: Missouri - 28, Illinois - 9

8.) Purdue at Notre Dame (Saturday, 3:30pm) - I don't like the Irish, but Rudy has got to be one of the best college football movies ever made. I had my annual pre-football season watching of the film on Sunday night, so I'm leaning toward Catholicism in this one. Prediction: Notre Dame 24, Purdue 21

9.) Connecticut at Michigan (Saturday, 3:30pm) - Probably the most intriguing game of the week. On the one hand you've got an up-and-up program like Connecticut that is itching for a signature win. On the other you've got Michigan, who hasn't done bubkis lately (much to our delight). I'll stick with Big Ten in this one though. Prediction: Michigan 32, Connecticut 28

10.) Northwestern at Vanderbilt (Saturday, 7:30pm) - Another Big Ten team heading to Tennessee for their first game. At least Northwestern has the balls to schedule a team from a power conference (albeit a traditionally bottom-tier team). They will be rewarded though. Mr. Marbles will be in high spirits after his purple-cladded kittens come up victorious. Prediction: Northwestern - 32, Vanderbilt 18

11.) Wisconsin at UNLV (Saturday, 11:00pm) - Yikes, I'll be in bed long before this one ends (give me a break, I work at 6:00am on Sundays). Shouldn't be too close of a game, at least not on paper anyways. The only caveat to the Badgers would be the jet lag. They should be good to go. Prediction: Wisconsin 49, UNLV 14

OSU vs. Marshall.  Thursday 7:30 PM
Columbus, OH
Forecast:  Day-time:  Too damn hot for a penguin to be just walking around.  Night: low 68...40% of rain.  COTGS Index: 45.

Tailgate Erection: 6 am

Workin' for a living on Thursday?  Look for live updates on our Facebook page throughout the afternoon.  It will compliment that liquid lunch as well as those frequent beer-coning ventures in office restrooms and janitor closets quite nicely.  

Typically, I photoshop some sort of gameday program cover-like picture in the area above.  Thanks to the ad wizards at Marshall's athletic ticket office, copy and paste does the trick this week.  Marshall Football:  "We Are Inbred Mountain Men Scaring the Living F*ck Out of Black People!"

Tailgate Update

Something new will be appearing at the tailgate this year.  What is it?  Show up Thursday and find out. It is my understanding that the dome will be erected in the early morning, so call in sick or stop by on your lunch break.  

In-Depth Opponent Analysis

Another season of Buckeye football kicks off Thursday night...assuming the other team avoids another unfortunate transportation disaster en route to the competition.  Who is this Thundering Herd team?  Kropkogate's research and development staff is here to give you the information other websites won't tell you.

Everything we know about Marshall was learned through watching the movie We Are Marshall.  We also make many assumptions based on what we learned from watching the Wrong Turn trilogy of movies.  If you've never viewed We Are Marshall, allow me to summarize.  It's starts a lot like LOST, only this time Jack Shephard decides not to get on the plane.  The plane crashes, Jack's wife thinks he's dead until he arrives home the next day.  Tears and hugs all around. 

With almost the entire team now six feet under, school administrators debate how to proceed.  Ultimately, they decided to re-build and continue to play, much to the chagrin of a father of one of the dead players who spends his days sitting bitterly in a diner throughout the entire movie.  At this point, things get confusing.  For whatever reason, they decide to hire a mentally challenged man to coach the team.  I'm not sure if this happened in real life.  Matthew McConaughey plays the role of mentally challenged coach.  Or--perhaps--a mentally challenged actor poorly portrays what was actually a non-mentally challenged coach.   Again, the movie failed to address exactly what was going on here. 

Someone drinks a dead player's beer, creating a brief moment of awkward tension among the new guys and the few players from last year's team that weren't on the plane when it crashed.  Oh cupcakes!  A young Bobby Bowden appears!   Ira Lowenstein successfully petitions the NCAA to allow the team to start true freshmen.  This was a a feel good moment for those of us that recall his unsuccessful attempt to convince chocolate mogul Walter Harvey that he should continue to sponsor a women's baseball league when the boys returned from war.  I still think Dottie Hensen dropped the ball on purpose during the collision at the plate with Kit. 

Adversity and triumph ensues.  Not exactly Rudy-type triumph, but they pull out a victory against St. Xavier during the second game of the year.  Movie ends with awkward scene involving little kid spying on the team practicing in the stadium.  In the sequel, this kid grows up to be a serial killer, murdering 15 members of the 1981 West Virginia Mountaineer football team. 

Terrible movie.  Almost as terrible as this week's preview.

OSU vs Michigan Bitching & Moaning

Why are we just now crying foul on this subject?  The real tragedy occurred when they scheduled the game for this year.  The Saturday after Thanksgiving is worse than a game scheduled mid-season.  Remember Michigan week when you were a student?  Imagine how that would have been if everyone went home on Tuesday night for Thanksgiving break.   If you're just now getting upset that the Big Ten is conspiring to shit on tradition, you're too late. It has already been shat upon.  This brings us to This Week's Tirade....

This Week's Tirade:  Sports Revenue & Fans Who Care About It.

I don't care about Big Ten revenue.  I don't care about the amount of money Ro-Tel pays the Big Ten Network.  I don't care about expanding the Big Ten footprint to include another media market.  I don't care about the income produced from a conference championship game or bowl appearance.  You shouldn't either.  The OSU football regime is getting by just fine without increasing revenue.  That money isn't going back into your pockets--I mean holy hell, you have to pay alumni dues just to be eligible to then purchase $70 tickets.   That money won't be going to help the students either.  That is why I can't stand fans who support changes that will have a negative impact on tradition and the entertainment value of the sport based on the logic that the schools will receive more money.  Who gives a shit?  I'm not some liberal anti-capitalist hippie...if I, as a graduate of The Ohio State University, was entitled to some of this money, well, yes, I'd care.  But, I don't benefit from it. You don't either.   If you want to root for profits, start tailgating in Microsoft's parking lot.  Cheer for stock dividends.  Chant "Sara Lee is a Whore."  Buy a T-shirt with the Hamburglar urinating on Wendy.  Actually, if you see one of those, buy one for me too.  And I know some of you will argue that money can be re-invested into facilities, attracting better recruits to the team.  But even that logic fails Buckeye fans, because the Big Ten  operates as a socialist profit sharing organization.  Indiana benefits.  So does the likes of Northwestern and Minnesota.   With the revenue that OSU brings in--and then splits equally among the conference--other programs can then build facilities in order to lure in recruits that would have otherwise went to a thriving programs that are already getting by on their own--like OSU.  I miss the good ole times.

Expert Big Ten Picks

Each week our panel of experts and a special guest face-off and predict the outcomes of all games involving Big Ten teams.  If our special guest scores better (or ties) the rest of the experts, he/or she will be invited back the following week. 

To kickoff the first week, we welcome back T-Bone from Chicago, Illinois.  T-Bone receives the honor as he was last year's most special of special guests, compiling a 16-3 record as he placed (or tied for) first during three consecutive weeks.  In the off-season, T-Bone put on his big boy pants and entered into a verbal agreement to eventually tie the knot.  I left my big boy pants in the dryer for too long a few years ago, so now they are snug fitting and appear to be more like child-size pants.

If you'd like to be a special guest, please send an email with your information including documentation of your recent lice-screening results.  The last thing we need is another lice outbreak spreading amongst our panel.

Gameday 101 is an educational series dedicated to the analysis of gameday history and culture. In our first feature, we will examine the major players in the ongoing power struggle within the ag-campus parking area just west of the Olentangy River.

The history of the struggle among ag-campus tailgating affiliations is a complicated study.  Most tailgaters simply show up on Saturdays ignorant of the eternal power struggle that surrounds the bloodied grounds upon which they drink.  However, in order to appreciate the tailgate and to avoid future sufferings of ignorance, it is certainly in one's best interest to examine the current political structure of the tailgaing scene and learn its history. For only the enlightened will have the knowledge to thwart the mistakes of the past.

The struggles among tailgaters can be traced mostly to the era of Karen Holbrook's "Reign of Terror" during the early part of the new millennium.  Under her dictatorial orders, tailgating peasants and laymen were exterminated from their familiar gameday locations.   Signs of struggles to come commenced immediately under Holbrook's reign, as many had their possessions seized by the state and others found their gameday religious practices banned.    Revolution and reaction between Holbrook's New World Order and counter-parties during that entire era (both bloody and bloodless) eventually led to many being driven from their sacred Saturday gathering posts.   The "Trail of Tears" journey of displaced refugees moving across the river started when Holbrook pushed the laymen off of Lane Avenue (going so far as sending vehicular traffic through previous drinking grounds in order to run down any revolutionaries).  Holbrook then forced thousands from their land in order to install a Handicapped Brotherhood on the most sacred of tailgating lots that surround St. John's Arena.   Seeking tailgate asylum, thousands of tailgaters migrated across the Olentangy River in hopes of starting a new gameday life.

When tailgating immigrants reached the land of opportunity, they found they were not always welcomed by the natives of ag-campus tailgating community.  With the influx of those who previously tailgated in the Hineygate area and the addition of many who had simply grown too old to continue practicing in the campus community along Norwich Avenue, cultures clashed and land-battles ensued within the limited land available.  These happenings have provided us with experience and lessons in class struggle among the gameday masses. These events have had a profound effect in shaping the current tailgate landscape.

The map above shows the current geographic structure of the majors powers that rule the ag-campus tailgate landscape.  As you can see, the strategic location of the land is based upon the proximity to Ohio Stadium, the Ag building restroom facilities, and ease of access to the expressway (Route 315).  Refer to this map as we examine the political structure, which is better illustrated in our next graphic:

We will now analyze each power individually.

KampStoley-Gate

For over 2000 years, Apocalyptic Christian theologians have feared the fulfillment of prophecies regarding the Bible's indication of "End Time."  According to Wikipedia, they assert that human and demonic agents of the Devil are involved in a primordial plot to deceive humanity into accepting a satanic world theocracy that has the Unholy Trinity--Satan, the  Anti-Christ and the False Prpophet--at the core of an imperial cult.  It is in my journalistic opinion that this Unholy Trinity is already lurking among us in one conglomerated form, and it goes by the name of Stoley-Gate.

Kamp Stoley-Gate sits upon a grassy plain directly south across Woody Hayes Drive from Kropkogate.  As the "Power Struggle" map featured earlier displays, they are currently at war with the fine folks of Kropkogate.  Though no casualties have actually been suffered as a result of the war, the arms-race between the two powers has been taking place in "Cold War" fashion since 2006.  The two tailgates represent the biggest and most noticeable camps in the ag-campus area, so the struggle was inevitable as each strives for it's own Manifest Destiny.  It's a history of action and reaction, as each tailgate competes to build an arsenal of canopies and tailgating equipment in a never-ending battle for tailgating supremacy.

Even their sign is inferior

Fun Fact:  Stoleygate does not have a website or Facebook page.

Advantages:  Ample space, both covered by canopies and open grass.  Often times some sort of BBQ vendor sets up next to the tailgate giving out free food.  Exposure to pedestrian and motor traffic along Woody Hayes Drive.

Disadvantages:  Lacks a Stoley-Dome.  Their access to Ag Building's restroom facilities are blocked by Kropkogate, so they must use port-o-johns.

Homebase

Website:  OSU Home Base.com

Facebook: OSU Home Base

An ally to Kropkogate, Homebase is a refugee that was driven from the St. John's arena parking lot in the early days of Holbrook's "Reign of Terror."  After a period of roaming the tailgate lots in nomadic fashion, they currently set up camp directly north of Kropkogate across the narrow strip of parking that sits between Kropkogate and the Ag Building (well, at least that's where I saw them last).  They are best known to the outside world as "The Jenga People" as their tailgate features an over-sized game of Drunken Jenga. I had the pleasant opportunity to pre-game with several members of this crew in a Chicago bar for about 9 hours leading up to a OSU night game, and can assure you they could assimilate into the Kropkogate culture quite easily.  Photos indicate they chug beer out of a plastic flamingo yard ornament, which is one-upping our beer cone tradition.

Much like Kropkogate, the media tends to ascend upon our neighboring tailgaters

Advantages:  Interactive website, located within a stone's throw of the restrooms, high standards of pre-gaming properly, Jenga.

Disadvantages:  No industrial-sized heat lamp.

The Tailgate with the Ambulance

They use an old ambulance painted in Buckeye colors for tailgating, which makes them a major player in the tailgate scene.  I don't know anything about them other than they seem to be in cahoots with the Home Base folks and they are one of the first to arrive in the parking lot to establish their camp.

Advantages:  Mode of transportation doubles at tailgate equipment.

Disadvantages:  No Dome.

Buckeyeman

Website:  OSU Buckeye Man

Buckeyeman is not a tailgate, but instead is a one man circus of sorts that parks his car in the ag-campus lot and wanders from tailgate to tailgate posing for photos.  Some find his spirit enjoyable, while others think the look is really creepy.  For better or worse, he is a player in the tailgate scene.  He, along with "Buck I Guy," have become the face of Ohio State as they manage to get ample camera exposure during game telecasts.  Next time you sit for a job interview outside of the Greater-Columbus area, an image will come to your potential employer's mind when it is revealed that you attended The Ohio State University, and it will look something like this:

Super-Fan or Super-Creepy...you be the judge

Might as well just copy and paste that on your resume where you'd normally list your educational background.

Advantages:  Easy to spot in a crowd

Disadvantages:  Easy to spot in a crowd

Tailgate with The Giant BBQ Thingy

Located several spots directly east of Kropkogate, they have a giant barbecue smoker that dwarfs all others in the parking lot.  This automatically makes them a force to reckon with.

Kropkogate

Website:  Kropkogate.com

Facebook:  Kropkogate

The history of Kropkogate is already well-documented , so we won't waste time re-documenting the entire history.  However, it is worth expanding upon the battles that enraged when the tailgate first migrated from Norwich Avenue and clashed with the now extinct tribe of Old, Bitter, Boring Natives.  Unlike Kropkogate's modern Cold War arms-race with Stoley-Gate,  the battles with the Old, Bitter, Boring Natives (OBBNs) were direct, as each side battled over a small claim of land.  The OBBNs would send a representative at an extremely early hour to hold claim to a strategic plot of grass.  They only had one canopy and a handful of tailgaters--all of whom would just sit soberly in lawn chairs and watch people walk down Woody Hayes Drive.

As Kropkogate expanded, the narrow area between two trees could no longer accommodate the entire Kropkogate Enterprise.  However, just west of one of those trees laid OBBN's vast and fertile tailgating grounds.  These grounds were grossly under-utilized by the OBBNs, which led to Kropkogate's desire to conquer the land. The OBBNs were not a fan of our drunken shenanigans and repeated playing of "Chad Henne is a Joke."  At one point, they became so angered that they started packing up the their tailgate.  Kropkogaters stormed the territory and laid claim to the land before they could even finish packing.

The battle would continued as the two camps would arrive earlier and earlier to lay claim to the ground.  The turning point in the war occurred in 2006 before the 3:30 pm game against Penn State.  Mr. Marbles and Pizza Hall arrived at 4:00 am to claim the land under the cover of darkness.  About 30 minutes later, the OBBNs arrived--assumingly with the belief that they'd be the first in the lot--only to find two Kropkogaters already drinking upon the land.  The OBBNs immediately left the lot in anger, despite the fact that all other parking and tailgating spots were still available at that time.  They were never heard from again, as soon after they all died from typhoid...or perhaps they found another spot to tailgate...it really isn't clear.

During the 2009 season, Kropkogate clearly took the lead in it's battle with Stoleygate with the addition of the Kropkodome.  The Kropkogate's Kropkodome is clearly visible from space, which is not something Stoleygater's can claim about their own tailgate.

Advantages:  Kropko-Dome, satellite, Industrial-Sized heat lamp

Disadvantage:  Only one LCD television (as of 2009)

Housekeeping

• "Kropkogate: The Decision," will be coming later this month.  We will be revealing what time the tailgate will start for the Thursday night opener..hopefully via a one hour prime-time special on ESPN.  Stay tuned for details.
• If you haven't "Liked" the Kropkogate Facebook page, please "Like" it immediately in order to receive up-to-date information and life-saving alerts throughout the season.
• Road-trips are planned for Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Illinois.  Get in contact if you're interested.
• Once again, you're invited to participate in the weekly Kropkogate ESPN Pick'em Contenst.  Check back about a week before the first game to register.
• I've received word that 2010's big tailgate edition has been ordered  and awaiting shipment.  Revealing to occur at first tailgate.    

If you're like me, you typically spend a lot of your work day sitting bored in various police districts watching crack-whores parade through the building.  Often you may only have the occasional handcuffed Latin King or Gangster's Disciple in the room to make conversation with.  Even then, the conversation can be lacking, as they have no interest in the tax-deferred retirement plans that you offer (drug income is usually tax-free) nor do they have interest in college football.  Past conversations have gone something like this:

Me: "Latin Kings?  When I was in Junior High, we had to deal with the Blueberry Muffins."

Gangbanger: "Bluebee whaaa?  Sheeit."

In order to prevent total boredom and to offer an alternative to making small talk with arrestees, the 2010 Kropkogate Preview is here for your internet browsing pleasure.

2010 Tour of Madness and Kropkogate Outlook

Previously, I published my "Tour of Madness" schedule through 2014, but Jim Delaney decided to go on a shitrage crapstorm with Big Ten expansion, without even a hint of concern of disrupting my plans.   Now we must wait until future divisions and schedules are announced before looking past this year.

Three years ago, I decided the bar is not the place God intended us to spend Saturday afternoons.  Spending the entire day sitting in the dark at McGees in Lincoln Park--with their fake atmosphere, foul smell, hefty bar tabs, and inability to administer the audio in a manner that I find acceptable--is not the Game Day that I desire. I want to wake up and drink outside.  Sniff charcoal.  Play drinking games.  Pee on various administration buildings.  Hear the band.  Heckle other fans. "Shot-gun three beers on the way to the stadium."  Etc.

So, as many of you already know, I marched out on a quest to increase my live college football intake.  Fortunately, I live less than 3 miles from a Big Ten institution which has ample tickets available.  2010 marks my third year as a Northwestern season tickets holder, which, along with the usual OSU travels, allows me to see Big Ten football in person 10-13 times a year.  It takes a lot of dedication and overall disregard for one's liver to execute this type of plan, as I'll discuss in this year's 2010 Outlook:

2010 OUTLOOK  

The 2010 Outlook examines Ohio State's football schedule and tailgating expectations, including where you can find me and what drink I'll choose to mark the occasion.  Tailgate excitement level is measured by the number of Pat Fitzgerald Pelvic Thrusts.

• 09/02:  Ohio Stadium; Columbus, OH:  Marshall at Ohio State.  Game Time:  7:30 pm EST

For the first time in Kropkogate history, the tailgate will be up and running on a Thursday.  Historic moments usually signify monumental tailgates, so be prepared to bring your A-game.  The first tailgate of the season is usually lackluster.  However, expect big things this year given the unique circumstances.  It's been 9 months since the last tailgate and I'll be there for the ceremonial first drink, so we're given this one four Pat FItzgerald Pelvic Thrusts.  2010 Kropkogate Pre-Season Tailgate Ranking:  5

Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  First tailgate calls for celebratory drinking.  A couple bottles of champagne consumed straight from the bottle should be a great way to start the morning.

• 09/11:  Ohio Stadium; Columbus, OH:  Miami (FL) at Ohio State.  Game Time:  3:40 pm EST 

Sometimes the College football Gods smile upon me and my gameday drinking problems.  I'll be able to kickoff the morning at Ryan Field for the Illinois State vs Northwestern game at 11 am and have just enough time to hop the Metra in route to meet others before the OSU game kicks-off.  It's a late-afternoon kickoff.  It's the re-match of the 2002 Championship game.  It's Drew and Laura's anniversary.  All signs indicate this will certainly be a very neat occasion.  2010 Kropkogate Pre-Season Tailgate Ranking:  3

Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  Goose Island Summertime.  Light enough to chug down, yet classy enough for the stuffy NU crowd.  And best of all:  free as always at Wildcat Alley           

• 09/18:  Ohio Stadium; Columbus, OH:  Ohio at Ohio State.  Game Time: 12:00 pm EST. 

I will be returning to campus once again for Week 3.  This one only generates one half-hearted Pat Fitzgerald Pelvic Thrust.  But, like they say, Fitz thrusting his pelvis half-heartedly is better than Fitz not thrusting his pelvis at all.  Everything that was great about last week does not apply to this week, though my presence is sorta a great thing.  It's a noon kickoff.   It's not a championship re-match.  It's not Drew and Laura's anniversary.  Oh hell, let's just get all drunked up anyway.   2010 Kropkogate Pre-Season Tailgate Ranking:  9

 Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  Ohio vs. Ohio State--I think the choice is obvious.  Natural Light will be the featured beer in my belly.

• 09/25:  Ohio Stadium; Columbus, OH:  Eastern Michigan at Ohio State.  Game Time: TBD

It's a Directional Michigan Dilemma for me.  Eastern Michigan at Ohio State or Central Michigan at Northwestern?  As much as I'd love to travel to Columbus in back-to-back weekends for games games against MAC opponents, I will instead opt to travel the three miles up to Ryan Field.  Neither game time has been announced, but in a perfect world the Ohio State game would kickoff at 11 am, be a blow-out by half-time, and Northwestern would start their game at 2:30 pm.  This would permit an early stop at B-Dubs in Evanston for the Buckeye game.  In reality, it's a safe bet to assume both will start at 11 am CT, which is what I like to call a gameday "Double Whammy."  Kropko currently has this listed as a "No Tailgate" game, which I assume means a very scaled-back tailgate will be taking place at the usual spot, thus low expectations for this one.  2010 Kropkogate Pre-Season Tailgate Ranking:  10  

Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:   Goose Island 312, because it's free.

• 10/02:  Memorial Stadium; Champaign, IL:  Ohio State at IIllinois.  Game Time TBD.

This may be perhaps the most interesting pre-game since 2006, when Kropko and I drove through the night to Minnesota and found ourselves alone in a parking lot drinking with 3 random Gopher fans at 4:30 am. Amtrak's Saluki route takes one from Union Station to Champaign, and you can count on the entire 2 hour train ride to be a drunken bacchanalia.  As of now, it appears no Kropkos will be joining us, but we're going to call it a Kropkogate anyway.  Scott?  Mike?  Jenny?  Calling all Kropkos, we need a representative.  2010 Kropkogate Pre-Season Ranking: 7

Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  Choo, Choo!  Train, train, take me on out of this town.  Yes, we're talkin' Night Train, E&J Gallow's finest wine.  Next stop, Shitfacedtown!

                Zook may ski off into the sunset after 2010

• 10/09:  Ohio Stadium;  Columbus, OH:   Indiana at Ohio State.  Game Time TBD

Northwestern hosts Purdue in a rare home night game (6:30 CT), and it's a safe bet that the Indiana/OSU game won't be a night game, which is a gameday "Yahtzee" for me.  Indiana at Ohio State is always a blow-out.  As a result, we won't waste internet space talking about it, other than wishing for an 11 am (CT) start, which would permit the following schedule for me:

• 6 am: Power Hour

• 7 am:  BBQ

• 8:00 am:  Bar for OSU pregame

• 11:00 am:  OSU kickoff

• 2:00 pm: head to NU

• 2:30 pm:  begin 4 hours of chugging beer at Wildcat Alley

• 6:30 pm: stumble into Ryan Field 

•              6:32 pm:  receive the usual "can you please sit down" comment from fan sitting behind me.

  2010 Kropkogate Pre-Season Tailgate Ranking:  8

Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  Something tells me I will be swearing of the Night Train following the previous week's venture, even though it would be a very appropriate choice again for watching a night game against Purdue.  This week's specialty will be Jack Daniels in a flask, to keep me going throughout the game.

• 10/16:  Camp Randall;  Madison, WI:  Ohio State at Wisconsin.  Game Time 6:15 pm CT. 

Two Kropkogaters are planning to bring RVs up to Madison for this one, although it's a bit disappointing neither RV will be our west coast Jaeger-Mobile.  It's a rather quick trip from Chicago, so expect to see all representatives of Kropkogate's Chicago Chapter in attendance, including myself.   Kropko currently lists this as another "No Tailgate," but I refuse to believe he won't end up joining us for this one.  2010 Kropkogate Pre-Season Tailgate Ranking:  4

 Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  When in Rome.  Miller Genuine Draft.

• 10/23:  Ohio Stadium; Columbus, OH:  Purdue at Ohio State.  Game Time:  12:00 pm EST

The College Football gods frown upon me on this one, as the Michigan State at Northwestern game is inconveniently scheduled to start at the same time.  Counting on the old hand-held device to keep me up to date with the Bucks.  Purdue at Ohio State is your standard Big Ten football match-up, so expect the tailgate to be standard as well.  2010 Kropkogate Pre-Season Tailgate Ranking:  6

Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  Bud Light.  No reason, just like the beer.

• 10/30:  TCF Bank Stadium;  Minneapolis, MN:  Ohio State at Minnesota.  Game Time:  7:00 pm CT 

We're looking for more people to join in on this one.  I've only received confirmation from Ruswinkle thus far, and a non-confirming "that's not too far from KC" comment from Ben We.  I'm raising the stakes on this one.  If we get 10 people, I will buy a keg for the tailgate AND commence the festivities with a good ole fashion keg-stand.  A big juicy keg of beer, folks--make your plans now!  Tailgate Ranking unavailable at this time, but it's deserving of atleast two big juicy Pat Fitzgerald Pelvic Thrusts.

Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  Grain Belt Nordeast. Brewed in Minneapolis, its name is so Midwestern you just know it was brewed by God-fearing meth addicts.

• 11/06:  Open

• 11/13:  Ohio Stadium; Columbus, OH:  Penn State at Ohio State.  Game Time TBD

Until Michigan decides to be relevant again, Penn State will continue to be our true rival in terms of competing for championships.  Recent Penn State trips to Columbus have produced high quality Kropkogates.  This year should be no different.  I will not be making the trip to Columbus, opting instead to stay home for the much-anticipated NU vs Iowa game--which should be a rare treat of fan raucousness at Ryan Field.  2010  Kropkogate Pre-Season Tailgate Ranking:  2

Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  It could be a cold day on the North Shore, so we'll be drinking Canadian Club Whiskey.  And well be drinking it on the rocks, cause it seems rather manly to do it that way.  

• 11/20:  Kinnick Stadium; Iowa City, IA.  Ohio State at Iowa.  Game Time: TBD

I'm not sure if anyone is making the trip to the greater Iowa City/Corallville area for this one, so we'll avoid trying to rank it.  NU hosts Illinois at Wrigley Field at 2:30--obviously I'm not missing that one, but golly it would be nice for an early start to the OSU game, as it's only a  stumble across Clark Street from OSU bar Casey Morans to Wrigley. If you make the trip, you deserve four jolting Pat Fitzgerald Pelvic Thrusts, because Pat loves thrusting his pelvis at Kinnick.

Mr.Marbles Drink of the Day:  Since we'll be in Wrigleyville, we'll be going OldStyle

• 11/27:  Ohio Stadium; Columbus, OH:  Michigan at Ohio State.  Game Time TBD. 

The Tailgate.  Turkeys will be deep-fried, beers will be coned in mass.  The game will be a massacre.  Midway through the fourth quarter, John Quinones will emerge surrounded by a camera crew asking why no one stepped in to save Michigan from the brutal beating.  2010 Kropkogate Pre-Season Tailgate Ranking:  1

Mr. Marbles Drink of the Day:  The Saturday after Thanksgiving and the likelihood of cold weather leaves us with no choice:  Wild Turkey.

"Hi,  I'm John Quinones from ABC News.  This was all a social experiment designed to humiliate you on national television." 

To sum it up, I will be at 6 Ohio State games as well as all 6 Northwestern home games, bringing this year's gameday total to 12.  Although late-season game times are pending, as of now I will only miss watching one OSU game (10/23 Purdue at OSU). 

Annual Predictions

The annual "Phil Steele Can Kiss My Ass" Big Ten Prediction Preview, determined mostly by gut-feelings and what I can recall happening during last season's drunken melee, is presented below.  Historically, I've been remarkably accurate in my order of finish predictions, with the notable exception of the annual ill-conceived gut-feeling prognostication that declares Purdue as the conference dark horse. 

• 1.  Ohio State:           11-1 (7-1)
• 2.   Penn State:         10-2 (7-1)
• 3.  Purdue:                 9-3 (6-2)
• 4.  Wisconsin:            9-3  (5-3)
• 5.  Northwestern:      9-3 (5-3)
• 6.  Iowa:                     9-3 (5-3)
• 7.  Michigan State:       8-4 (4-4)
• 8.  Indiana:                  6-6 (2-6)
• 9.  Illinois:                    3-9  (2-6)
• 10.  Michigan:             4-8 (1-7) 
• 11.  Minnesota:         1-11 (0-8)

Bowls
Texas Bowl (Houston, Texas) - Iowa
Pizza Pizza Bowl (Detroit, Mich.) - Indiana
Insight Bowl (Tempe, Ariz.) - Northwestern
Outback Bowl (Tampa, Fla.) -- Purdue
Dallas Football Classic (Dallas, Texas) - Michigan State
Gator Bowl (Jacksonville, Fla.) - Wisconsin
Capital One Bowl (Orlando, Fla.) -- Penn State
Rose Bowl (Pasadena, Calif.) -- Ohio State

I will go ahead and respond to your accusations.  That's right, Iowa at #6.  The kicker?  They will hand OSU their only loss. The only thing that can stop Ricky Stanzi is, well, Ricky Stanzi--and he is capable of doing that quite well.  The state-controlled liberal media shits out all sorts of pro-Stanzi propaganda, but those of us in the know realize he is really nothing more than Steve Bellisari in a gold and black jersey.

Northwestern at 9-3 is not a "drinkin too much purple drank" prediction.  The Persian offense should be good enough to squeak-out a 9 win season in extremely ugly fashion against a very favorable schedule.  In fact, this may be the ugliest 9 win season that the Big Ten has ever witnessed, but Pat Fitzgerald has been winning ugly quite successfully over the past 2 years.  At Northwestern, winning ugly is still relatively pretty.

The others, aside from my usual over-confident expectations of Purdue, line-up with the predictions of the masses.  Purdue's optimistic prediction is based on several key points.  1) 5 of their 7 losses last year were by less than a touchdown  2) I'm confident that coach Danny Hope, now in his second year, will be in better position to win at least 3 of those games mentioned in point #1  3)  Danny Hope hates Rich Rodriguez  4) they've got a train whistle thingy in their stadium.

Michigan will win early, but will not win often.  Same with Minnesota, except for the "winning early" part.  Northern Illinois will sweep their Big Ten opponents (Illinois, Minnesota) and BG will send the the "everything was going well until this game" death-blow to Michigan, giving Big Ten critics ample fields of embarrassment to graze upon.  Michigan State will be Michigan State, and continue to swim in the sea of mediocrity. Indiana will be better than you think...but still kinda shitty.  Ron Zook is Ron Zook, so yeah, expect the unexpected, unless you define "unexpected" as competing for the conference crown.  In that event, just expect the expected. 

Game by game predictions follow.  Study and take notes...questions pertaining to this information will be on the exam.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 2
Towson at INDIANA
MINNESOTA at Middle Tennessee
Marshall at OHIO STATE

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 4
ILLINOIS vs. Missouri [1]
Eastern Illinois at IOWA
Connecticut at MICHIGAN
Western Michigan at MICHIGAN STATE
NORTHWESTERN at Vanderbilt
Youngstown State at PENN STATE
PURDUE at Notre Dame
WISCONSIN at UNLV

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 11
Southern Illinois at ILLINOIS
Iowa State at IOWA
MICHIGAN at Notre Dame
Florida Atlantic vs. MICHIGAN STATE [2]
South Dakota at MINNESOTA
Illinois State at NORTHWESTERN
Miami (Fla.) at OHIO STATE
PENN STATE at Alabama
Western Illinois at PURDUE
San Jose State at WISCONSIN

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 18
Northern Illinois at ILLINOIS
INDIANA at Western Kentucky
IOWA at Arizona
Massachusetts at MICHIGAN
Notre Dame at MICHIGAN STATE
Southern Cal at MINNESOTA
NORTHWESTERN at Rice
Ohio at OHIO STATE
Kent State at PENN STATE
Ball State at PURDUE
Arizona State at WISCONSIN

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 25
Akron at INDIANA
Ball State at IOWA
Bowling Green at MICHIGAN
Northern Colorado at MICHIGAN STATE
Northern Illinois at MINNESOTA
Central Michigan at NORTHWESTERN
Eastern Michigan at OHIO STATE
Temple at PENN STATE
Toledo at PURDUE
Austin Peay at WISCONSIN

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 2
OHIO STATE at ILLINOIS
MICHIGAN at INDIANA
PENN STATE at IOWA
WISCONSIN at MICHIGAN STATE
NORTHWESTERN at MINNESOTA

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 9
MICHIGAN STATE at MICHIGAN
PURDUE at NORTHWESTERN
INDIANA at OHIO STATE
ILLINOIS at PENN STATE
MINNESOTA at WISCONSIN

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 16
IOWA at MICHIGAN
ILLINOIS at MICHIGAN STATE
MINNESOTA at PURDUE
OHIO STATE at WISCONSIN
Arkansas State at INDIANA

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 23
INDIANA at ILLINOIS
WISCONSIN at IOWA
PENN STATE at MINNESOTA
MICHIGAN STATE at NORTHWESTERN
PURDUE at OHIO STATE

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 30
PURDUE at ILLINOIS
NORTHWESTERN at INDIANA
MICHIGAN STATE at IOWA
OHIO STATE at MINNESOTA
MICHIGAN at PENN STATE

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 6
IOWA at INDIANA
ILLINOIS at MICHIGAN
MINNESOTA at MICHIGAN STATE
NORTHWESTERN at PENN STATE
WISCONSIN at PURDUE

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 13
MINNESOTA at ILLINOIS
IOWA at NORTHWESTERN
PENN STATE at OHIO STATE
MICHIGAN at PURDUE
INDIANA at WISCONSIN

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 20
PENN STATE vs. INDIANA [3]
OHIO STATE at IOWA
WISCONSIN at MICHIGAN
PURDUE at MICHIGAN STATE
ILLINOIS at NORTHWESTERN

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 27
IOWA at MINNESOTA
MICHIGAN at OHIO STATE
MICHIGAN STATE at PENN STATE
INDIANA at PURDUE
NORTHWESTERN at WISCONSIN

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 3
ILLINOIS at Fresno State

[1] - St. Louis, Mo.
[2] - Detroit, Mich.
[3] - Landover, Md.

The 2010 season is just over a month out.  Check back often for more updates to come.  Kropkogate will kick off the 2010 season Thursday, September 2, 2010 at 6:00am at the corner of Woody Hayes and Fyffe.  It is highly recommended to take both Thursday and Friday off work or just quit youb job all together although Kropkogate still needs your donations to keep operations going so hopefully you have a rich relative.

The 2010 "Kropkogate for Heisman" hype montage has been released.  A Mr. Marbles Production.  View it now, you will not be disappointed... http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site/view_shared?p=aef9aa05911eab3bdb8a74&skin_id=1703&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!  FITZ ACCEPTS MY BID FOR FRIENDSHIP!   MR MARBLES & PAT FITZGERALD = BFFs 4EVER

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!  After months of waiting, several requests, and a few heart-felt letters directed to him, Pat Fitzgerald has finally accepted my friendship request on Facebook.  It's surely the beginning of something special.  Little does he know I'm planning a surprise birthday party for him next Wednesday.  He's gonna shit himself when he comes home, opens the door, and I jump out and shout "Surprise Birthday Buddy!"   I better get busy baking his cake.

Is it too soon to ask if I can donate the sperm for the creation of his next child?

Speaking of coaches....

The Pussification of America and Mark Mangino's Quest to Stop It

Mark Mangino.  God of Heckling.

Kropkogate.com officially supports Mark Mangino...figuratively speaking.  In a literal sense it would be unlikely that we'd be able to physically support him without being crushed to death.  However, it is a sad day when a coach can lose his job for hurting a few of his player's feelings by yelling at them when they screw up.  Just another step toward the complete pussification of America where everyone gets a mother f****** trophy for participating.  It's refreshing to see a coach demand discipline from his players, rather than celebrating thuggery like vagina-faced Mark Dantonio (perhaps your players are gooning innocent kids in  dorms this season because you acted as though it was no big deal last season when they did the same thing).   Rise up Mangino.  Stay strong.  Call a spade a spade and a thug a thug. 

"He told me he'd send me back to Oakland where I could be drinking out of a brown paper bag.  He told me, 'You were a s---- friend to someone I knew that passed away.' He called me a bum. He showed me no respect. He told me he'd send me back to the ghetto." --Joe Mortenson

Hey, Joe!  Perhaps that may have something to do with the fact that you were cited for Public Intoxication.  Quit your bitching and thank Mangino for pulling your ass out of the ghetto and offering you a free education.

"He'd say personal, hurtful, embarrassing things in front of people."  --Raymond Brown

Raymond, I think YOU are the one embarrassing yourself.

"I dropped a pass and [Mangino] was mad.  And I said, 'Yes, sir. Yes, sir.' The yelling didn't bother me. But then he said, 'Shut up!' He said, 'If you don't shut up, I'm going to send you back to St. Louis so you can get shot with your homies."  -Raymond Brown

Yo Ray!  You telling me you never heard worse things in your hood?  Hell, I get worse threats from your homies when I walk over to the Super Mercado Grocery.  

"One day, [Mangino] said in front of the entire team, 'Are you going to be a lawyer or do you want to become an alcoholic like your dad?'   --Brown, referring to an incident with a teammate

So did he choose lawyer or alcoholic?

"(Tory Bradley) fell asleep in a meeting and woke up on the floor. His teammates told him Mangino pushed him out of his chair. While he was down and attempting to get up, he says, Mangino "kicked me three or four times in my butt. When I got up he started shaking me real hard."   

Dear Mr. Bradley.  Find me a coach in America that wouldn't kick your ass for falling asleep in a team meeting before a bowl game.  I would have kicked you in the nut-sack.  

I'd like to present to Mr. Mangino the Honorary Key to Kropkgate.  This distinguished honor is only extended to deserving individuals who have never been to Kropkogate, but due to noble acts of achievement, are invited to the tailgate where they would be celebrated as a honored guest.  Mangino's manliness and sure-fire ability to heckle earns him this distinguished honor--not to mention the fact that the guy could probably pound several cases of beer before sunrise.  We could sit him along Woody Hayes Drive and watch him let loose at Stoleygate and rival fans walking by.  "Hey Stoleygate, your tailgate is about as exciting as f****** your paraplegic daughter."  He is the first individual to receive this honor. 

"It’s going to be a long time before Sergeant Baker calls anyone a "homo" again."  --James Alan Spangler 

It Aint Over People

Don't forget to make your ESPN Kropkogate Pick'em selections this week.

Future Appearances

Chicago - Mr. Marbles has announced his preliminary Tour of Madness schedule for the next three years.  Several tour spots remain to be determined as he awaits the following:

Alumni Tickets fate
Northwestern open dates yet to be filled
Interest in others for road trips

2010 Tour of Madness

• 09/04:  To Be Determined
• 09/11:  Evasnton, Illinois State at Northwestern
• 09/18:  To Be Determined
• 09/25:  To Be Determined
• 10/02:  Champaign, Ohio State at IIllinois
• 10/09:  Evanston, Purdue at Northwestern
• 10/16:  To Be Determined   
• 10/23:  Evanston, Michigan State at Northwestern
• 10/30:  Minneapolis,  Ohio State at Minnesota
• 11/06:  Open
• 11/13:  Evanston, Iowa at Northwestern
• 11/20:  Evanston, IIllinois at Northwestern
• 11/27:  Columbus, Michigan at Ohio State 

 2011 Tour of Madness

• 09/03:  To Be Determined
• 09/10:  Evanston, Eastern Illinois at Northwestern
• 09/17:  Miami, Ohio State at Miami
• 09/24:  To Be Determined
• 10/01:  Evanston, Indiana at Northwestern
• 10/08:  Open
• 10/15:  To Be Determined
• 10/22:  Evanston, Penn State at Northwestern
• 10/29:  Evanston, Wisconsin at Northwestern
• 11/05:  Columbus, Northwestern at Ohio State
• 11/12:  West Lafayette:  Ohio State at Purdue
• 11/19:  Evanston, Michigan at Northwestern
• 11/26:  Evanston, Rice at Northwestern

• 09/01:  To Be Determined
• 09/08:  Evanston, Vanderbilt at Northwestern
• 09/15:  Evanston, Boston College at Northwestern
• 09/22:  To Be Determined
• 09/29:  East Lansing, Ohio State at Michigan State
• 10/06:  Evanston, Purdue at Northwestern
• 10/13:  Evanston, IIllinois at Northwestern
• 10/20:  To Be Determined
• 10/27:  To Be Determined
• 11/03:  Evanston, Ohio State at Northwestern
• 11/10:  Evanston, Minnesota at Northwestern
• 11/17:  Iowa City, Ohio State at Iowa
• 11/24: Columbus,Michigan at Ohio State